Vaishampaayan Jee said, "Thus addressed by his loving wife, king Paandu, well-acquainted with all rules of morality, replied in these words of virtuous import, 'O Kuntee, what thou hast said is quite true. Vyushitaashwa of old time did even as thou hast said. Indeed he was equal unto the celestials themselves. But I shall now tell thee about the practices of old indicated by illustrious Rishi, fully acquainted with every rule of morality. O thou of handsome face and sweet smiles, women formerly were not immured within houses and dependent on husbands and other relatives. They used to go about freely, enjoying themselves as best as they liked. O thou of excellent qualities, they did not then adhere to their husbands faithfully, and yet, O handsome one, they were not regarded sinful, for that was the sanctioned usage of the times. That very usage is followed to this day by birds and beasts without any (exhibition of) jealousy. That practice, sanctioned by precedent, is applauded by great Rishi. O thou of taper thighs, the practice is yet regarded with respect amongst the Northern Kuru. Indeed, that usage, so lenient to women, hath the sanction of antiquity. The present practice, however (of women's being confined to one husband for life) hath been established but lately. I shall tell thee in detail who established it and why."
http://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m01/m01123.htm

Conflicting Behavior of Men and Women
A very important finding is that “there is not a monolithic Stree Dharm for all women in all situations”. Their conduct is dependant on the role they are playing at that time. Let us take one by one --

(1) The most important role af a woman is give a son to her husband's family. But in MBH, women are always facing challenges to fulfill this role. It is because their husbands are not able to fulfill their this role (since they alone cannot perform this role). In this situation they, either they themselves or their husbands have to invite other male to fulfill this role of theirs.
--Vichitraveerya's wives Ambikaa and Ambaaikaa; Paandu's wife Kuntee and Maadree; come in this category. It does not matter why it happened so, but it happened. For Ambikaa and Ambaalikaa, Satyavatee had to invite Ved Vyaas Jee and
--Kuntee and Maadree, Paandu had to depend on the grace of Kuntee - as she had told him that she knew a Mantra which could invite any Devtaa and give her anything she wanted.
--Similarly, the normal docile females are discarded when Deerghtamaa’s disgusted wife sets him adrift on a raft. Even Devayaanee first expresses her love to Kach and then forces Yayaati to wed her, while her maid Sharmishthaa seduces him to have children from.

(2) There is another problem. For several women there is no normal pregnancy period - that is 9-10 months. And this unusual long period forces them to behave differently to have children.
--Madayantee, the queen of King Saudaas who had the son from Vashishth Jee; and
--Gaandhaaree, the queen of Dhritraashtra got frustrated with their abnormally long pregnancies, so they tried to deliver the child artificially.

(3) On the other side
--Ambikaa, the wife of Vichitraveerya and
--Sudeshnaa, the wife of King Viraat
refuse to obey their elders, expected from a Pativrataa woman, and send their maidservants to Ved Vyaas Jee and Deerghtamaa respectively.

(4) Further, there is no single standard of conduct in male or female gender.
Bheeshm disobeys his Guru Parashuraam and fights with for his vow.
Babhruvaahan kills his father Arjun;
Paandav kill their grand-uncle Bheeshm and Guru Dronaachaarya by cheating;
Matsyagandhaa (Satyavatee) gives in to Paraashar only after obtaining the assurance that she will regain her virginity after the child birth.
Gangaa and Satyavatee agree to wed only if their conditions are met. In fact it is not only Gangaa and Satyavatee, but even Urvashee also did the same with Pururavaa, Ashrubindumatee did with Yayaati, Yayaati's daughter Maadhavee did with Gaalav Muni, Brahmaa's created woman did it with Rukmaangad named King - see these stories in " Which Women Took Vows from Their Men Before They Married Them?"

Shakuntalaa berates Dushyant in his own court for not acknowledging their son and
Draupadee condemns Kuru elders in their own Dice hall for not protecting her.

Kunti casts Karn away fearing scandal.
Brihadrath's two wives throw their son born in two halves,

Draupadee’s polyandry causes her getting abused publicly as a whore (by Karn)
Pingalaa the prostitute is a Guru for Moksha-seekers.

Bheem, Arjun and Saamb dress like a woman and get destructive results.
Vidulaa chastises her son for running away in battle.
The Paandav suffer severe verbal drubbing from their common wife Draupadee.
Bheeshm, Drone and Kripaa, all three confess that, because they were all bound to Duryodhan by need, so they were like eunuchs and unmanned.
King Bhangashwana prefers to remain a woman;
Paandu's son  Arjun, warrior par excellence, chooses to be a transvestite.
Ambaa commits suicide to change her gender but is reborn as female and by sheer happenstance acquires manhood at Sthoonakarn’s expense. Shikhandee’s gender remains indeterminate, reflected in Ashwatthaamaa splitting her/him in two.

Braahman as Kshatriya and Vice Versa
This confusion regarding gender roles is a major contributor to the crisis of Dharm portrayed in the epic. It aggravates the Dharm Shankara medley created by Kshatriya Bheeshm and Yudhishthir assuming Braahman renunciate postures while Braahman Drone, Kripaa and Ashwatthaamaa become violent warriors.

Significantly, both in Raamaayan and Mahaabhaarat Parashuraam, the Braahman warrior, has to admit defeat at the hands of Kshatriya Raam and Bheeshma. This would seem to be a move towards restoring the normal Varn and Dharm, but that is not so. The practitioners of such distorted Dharm, Bheeshm, Drone and Kripaa all have to serve Duryodhan who was the incarnation of Kali, and his brothers who were Raakshas reborn.

Multiple Gender Role
Draupadee has her own significance because of her unique birth - full-grown from ritual fire like a Krityaa for the destruction of the Kshatriya.
Draupadee’s interactions with Satyabhaamaa (MBH, G-4-Van/44) and
Sudeshnaa brings out the multiple gender roles played out even in single dialog

Two bird tales (Mandapaal-Lapitaa-Jaritaa in the Aadi Parv and Brahmadatt-Pujanee in the Shaanti Parv) on the theme of friendship and presents a fascinating analysis of the friendship relationship of the three Krishnas (Krishn-Draupadee-Arjun) that reaches out to the fourth Krishn (Krishna-Dvaipayana), tracing it back to the image of two birds on a tree that is not just Upanishadik but originates in the Rig Ved. However, his glossing Krishn’s joke about Arjun’s “Pindak” as “swelling on cheeks” hardly matches Draupadee’s annoyance. The primary meaning is “calf”; swollen calves, not cheeks, would characterize an incessant traveler like Arjun and the wandering horse. A secondary meaning is the phallus. Thus, it is a double entendre incorporating the meaning of Arjun’s name “Brihannalaa” (large reed/rod), and Draupadee’s ritual role of lying with the sacrificial horse.

Draupadee is much like the vengeful Demeter-Erinys and a virgin war-goddess like Athene, born full-grown, crying havoc and letting loose the dogs of war.
It is Gaandhaaree’s baleful glance that destroys the Yaadav Vansh.

Saamb, in the context of faked gender against the background of lunar and solar myth. Saamb is the New Moon whose disguised maleness is exposed as the destructive thunderbolts of the monsoons. Nature symbolism and gender symbolism are, thus, closely allied. Since Saamb is Shiv’s boon to Krishn and that is the source of his destructive potential.
Shikhandee is the weak Sun at the winter solstice;
Bheeshm is the dying Sun.

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The father-son relationship of Dhritaraashtra and Duryodhan is a major “gendered theme” sounds like special pleading.
What about Kuntee and Gaandhaaree’s contrasting relationship with their sons and of Maayaavatee’s with Pradyumn which is very Oedipal, or of Arjun’s with Babhruvaahan, Iravaan and Abhimanyu, Shaantanu and Vasudev’s with their eight sons, Krishn’s with Saamb and Vyaas' with Shuk Dev?

Female rivalry (Devayaanee-Sharmishthaa, Kadroo-Vinataa), the lack of any reference to the most glaring instance of a “used woman”, Maadhavee, to the prostitute Pingalaa extolled as a Guru for Moksh-seekers, and to the adulterous Ahalyaa and Ruchi is puzzling.

“Kanyaa”, analogous to the European “Kore”, is a status retained by Satyavatee, Kuntee, Draupadee and Maadhavee despite motherhood. It is a distinct variation in gender-role compared to the “Satee” like Gaandhaaree, Damayantee, Saavitree, Seetaa, Shrutavatee. At the opposite pole of “Kanyaa” is Bheeshm the perpetual Kshatriya Brahmchaaree (a Dhaarmik contradiction in terms).

The gender issue of the unwanted child - Kaalee-Satyavatee and Prithaa-Kuntee are given away by their fathers Uparichar Vasu and Shoorsen.
Vishwaaamitra rejects Shakuntalaa, Sharadwaan abandons Kripaa and Kripee, and Kunti casts Karn away. Brihadrath wives throw their half bodied son. Bharat's wives kill their nine sons because they were not like Bharat himself and were not worthy to be kings.

The origin of the Lunar dynasty itself being characterized by gender-anomaly springing from Budha’s union with Ilaa who alternates between male and female for every alternate month.

There is a special relationship between the Chandra Vansh and Shiv who wears the crescent moon on his matted locks. It is significant that those challenging traditional gender roles (Ilaa, Arjun, Shikhandee, Saamb) are all Shiv’s creations or are linked to him.

The roots of the gender-confusion reach into the far backward and in the beginning of Time when Devtaa and Asur churned out the Amrit from the Ksheeer Saagar and Vishnu became the seductress Mohinee to cheat the Asur of their share. That led to the anomalous union, narrated in the Agni and Skand Puraan, of Shiv and Mohinee, producing Hanuman and Ayyapan.

Parallel to this, in South Indian folk tradition, Krishn as Mohinee becomes Aravaan's (Iravaan) bride before the Paandav sacrifice him for ensuring victory. Finally, does Vyaas' anguished outcry at the end - “Why is Dharm not practiced?”  - implies that the confusion regarding Dharm which his composition Mahaabhaarat has depicted at such length is insoluble?

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Also I miss Kuntee - whose idea of Yug as one of good governance (Satya Yugaor Kali Yug depends on king's rule) is a revolutionary statement (later attested by Bheesm and Utathya) because it envisages human free-will over deterministic rotation of Yug.

Again, Draupadee is an Arth Shaashtravid, in the Bheesm-Yudhishthir discourse (Naarad-Panch Chood) Woman is hailed as 'natural' Arth Shaastravid - compared with and elevated over Brhaspati and Shukra as 'natural' knower of Arth Shaastra. Significantly, Kautilya mentions Brhaspati and Shukra as his original model, and also shows the relation of female sexuality with politics - and in that, he is certainly influenced by 'Itihaas and Ved.' In this Bheeshm-Yudhishthir discourse, Arth Shahahstra is called "Shatruhan" (killer of enemy) - further evident in what Kautilya's Arth Shaaastra stands for.

Draupadee as Arth Shaashtravid must be carrying the significance of "killing enemy" - further implied in her being "Krishnaa"

Three points for here -
(a) "Draupadee is much like the vengeful Demeter-Erinys and a virgin war-goddess like Athene, born full-grown"
- But there is mention in Mahaabhaarat in Draupadee's own voice that she had a normal childhood - (she would sit on her father's lap to hear Itihaas and Puraan) - certainly a "born full-grown" Draupadee could not do that. In other words, Draupadee's being "born full-grown" was a political propaganda to counter Kuru propagandas like Bheeshm's immortality, Drone and Kripaa's motherless birth, Ashwathama's immortality etc.
(b) "Kuntee burns six tribal people alive and goads her sons to take revenge and win back their inheritance."
- I call that 'politics' justified by 'apadhharma' and perhaps by 'stri-dharma' too. Point (a) gains strength from this - that mahabharata women were actively engaged and involved in formulating kuta-niti (arthashahstra)
c) "None of the Paandav died in battle, yet they achieved salvation because they were Avataar - is that the soteriological stand of Vyaas?"
- No, as per Bheeshm's prediction, the Paandav would not achieve salvation, but would be born again. Perhaps, that enables Mahaabharat-II in the much later narrative of Oodal, Prithviraaj Chauhaan etc. - leaving open the possibility of further 'Paandav re-incarnation.'

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