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Marital Jokes-4

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Marital Jokes-4

1. A 50th Wedding Anniversary...

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."


2. The Success of Marriage

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimalaa for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. But when the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!."
Husband:"That' s it. We are happy ever after"


3. A Father's Father...
Read it in another context  "Family Problems..."

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow,
As pretty as she could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!


4. When You Don't Know What to Say

A newly married girl entered into a contract with her newly-wed husband for a 20-Dolaar bill for each copulation. Since the husband was too excited, he agreed upon that. Thus the girl continued to collect 20 Dollars each time the husband approached.

Thus 30 years passed. One day the husband came home very sad. The wife asked - "Dear, What is the matter?" The husband said - "Dear, I have been sacked, now I have no job." The wife said - "Do not worry, we have enough money to survive." "What?" "Yes, I have collected 20 Dollars from you each time you have approached me. I have deposited them in my bank. With all interests etc that sum has grown into a million Dollar."

The husband got stunned, as he regained his voice, he said - "If at all I knew that you have doing this with my money, I would have approached you only." At this the wife immediately shot him.


5. Heaven and Hell

WHAT IS HEAVEN?
British home
Chinese food
American salary, and
Indian wife

WHAT IS HELL?
Chinese home
British food
Indian salary, and
American wife


6. Buried Upside Down

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had casket buried upside down..."

 

 

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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Contact: sushmajee@yahoo.com
Modified on 09/24/13