1. You Do The Math...
font face="Verdana" color="#000066">Romance Mathematics
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
font face="Verdana" color="#000066">Office Arithmetic
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
font face="Verdana" color="#000066">Shopping Math
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
font face="Verdana" color="#000066">General Equations and Statistics
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
font face="Verdana" color="#000066">Some Other Equations
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore, Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words, Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore, Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words, Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.
Propensity to Change
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
How to Stop People From Bugging You About getting Married
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.
font face="Verdana" color="#000066">What is Marriage?
(1) Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence).
(2) Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over,
the strings are still attached.
(3) Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution
for the blind.
(4) Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and
the woman gets her Master's.
(5) Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger, and two under
the man's eyes.
(6) Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
(7) Marriage is not just a having a wife but also worries inherited forever.
(8) Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS":
--The Engagement Ring
--The Wedding Ring
(9) Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
--In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
--In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
--In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.
(10) It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
(11) Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you
wish you had ordered that instead.
(12) It's true that all men are born free and equal-but some of them get MARRIED!
13) There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found
himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
(14) A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
(15) Conversations between son & father:
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
(16) There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got
married.... and then it was too late!"
(17) Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
(18) They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after
marriage it is self-defense.
(19) When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married
man looks happy, we wonder why.
(20) There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got
married, and now he is going through HELL.