Miscellanea | Marital Jokes
1. The Practical Side of Life - Thoughts of men
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel,"
the voice answered.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the
2. Rules From Men's Side
We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Here are the
rules from the male side.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about, unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
3. Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES - If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT - When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS - A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS - A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE - A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP - A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL - Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING - Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY -
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13