Marital Jokes-3
1. Before And After Marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
And After Marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
2. Before And After Marriage....
A Man before marriage is - Superman.
After Marriage is - Gentleman.
5 Years Later is - Watchman, and
10 Years later is - Apne Hi Jaal Mein phansaa huaa Spiderman.
3. Know the Woman's Vocabulary
When a woman says - "Fine"
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need
to shut up.
When a woman says - "Five Minutes"
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. If it is for you, five minutes
is only five minutes if you have been given only 5 minutes to watch the game
before helping around the house.
When a woman says - "Nothing"
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing"
usually end in "fine".
When a woman says - "Go Ahead"
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT.
When a woman says - "Loud Sigh"
Although it is not actually a word, still the loud sigh is
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing".
When a woman says - "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
When a woman says - "Thanks"
This is the least used word of all the words in the female vocabulary. If a
woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say "you're welcome"
and back out of the room slowly.
4. What a Wife Says... And What She Means
The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to The wife says: I'm not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot The wife says: Be romantic, turn
out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs. The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house. The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper! The wife says: I need
wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white. The wife says:
Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there! The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep. The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive. The wife says: How much
do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like. The wife says: I'll
be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap. The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful. The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me. The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, you are doomed] The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No The wife says: No
The wife means: No The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.The wife says: Was
that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?" The wife says: The
same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing. The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything. The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot. The wife says: I don't want to
talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
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