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Work Related Jokes-3

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Work Related Jokes-3

1. How to Recruit the Right Person For the Job?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts Department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing....

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering....

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning....

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations....

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security....

If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information Technology....

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources....

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales....

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing....

If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning....

And then last but not the least,
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management....

A Similar to the Above One

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.
If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.
If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.
If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rain forests, Public Relations would suit them well.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

2. How the IT Industry Made it?

Once upon a time the government with Ruling Party XYZ... had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

The Ruling Party said... - "Someone might steal the scrap from it at night."
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then the Ruling Party said... - "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a Planning Department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then the Ruling Party said... - "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Quality Control Department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then the Ruling Party said... - "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, one of a time keeper, and another of a payroll officer, and hired two people.

Then the Ruling Party said... - "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people - an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then the Ruling Party said... - "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they lay off the night watchman.

Moral of the story: SAME AS - "Current Situation In IT Industries"

3. A Man Without Ears

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this 'unusual' handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears. Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm.

But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the guy out. The second interview went even better than the first one. This candidate was much better than the first.

Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" This guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.

Then he had the third interview.. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied, "Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses." Surprised, the man then asked, 'Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" The guy burst out laughing and said, "Well, You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"

4. Oh Say, Can You See?

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms -- both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says,

"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die...

A military memo: "You are not an authorized signer. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13