Miscellanea | Work Related Jokes
|Work Related Jokes-8|
Work Related Jokes-8
1. Explanations for Taking a Nap
Top 15 best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
2. Wine Taster
In an alcohol factory the regular taster of alcohol died, so the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away? So they tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, 3 yrs old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." "That's correct", said the boss.
He was given another glass. After tasting it he said - "It's red wine , cabernet, 8 yrs old, grown on a southwestern slope, matured in oak barrels." "That is correct." The Director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to
suggest something. She brought a glass of her urine. Alcoholic tried it
and said - "It's a blonde's, 26 yrs old, 3 months pregnant. And
if you don't give me the job, I will tell who the father is?"
3. Analysis of an Accident
There was a manager, an engineer and a programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowly avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said - "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said - "No that would take too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here. I will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said - "I think you're
both wrong. I think we should all push the car back, up the hill, and see if it
4. Legend of the 8 Monkeys: a true version
Management : 8 Monkeys (based on an actual experiment conducted in the UK)
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.
Now, one of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him, calling him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who is grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
Thus, one by one, all the original monkeys
are replaced. Now the set of eight new monkeys are in the room. None of them has
ever been sprayed by the ice water. None of them has ever attempt to climb the ladder.
All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having
any idea why. This is how any company's policies get established.
An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said - "OK, we will
have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan.. ."
After the first test, the grades were averaged
and everyone got a B.
As the second test rolled around, the students
who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they
wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
As the tests proceeded, the scores never
increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and
no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
The professor told them that socialism
would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed
is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want
These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read. And all applicable to this experiment:
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out
Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as
you came in?
A donkey was rated as "star performer"
for he lived up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over
burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a NEW JOB.
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13