Miscellanea | General Jokes
1. Some Clean Jokes
1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
2. "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person"
3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside
4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank, and had no affair.
7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping
from a building, lying on train tracks,
9. Only 20 percent boys have brains,
10. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
13. 10% of all road accidents are due to drunken driving.
2. Some More Clean Jokes
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheated.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"
Now proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks, "what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass," Go on to Question 4.
4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time to land and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, You are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors",
Now proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU who was driving the bus.
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.
A police recruit was asked during the exam - "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?"
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13