Miscellanea | General Jokes
General Jokes-10 (Vatican)
1. Terrible Hairstyle
A woman was at her hairdresser' s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's very crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply." "We have
got a great rate!"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on the Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further! I know that place. Everybody thinks its going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, what are you doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "Oh, It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well,' muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on my shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
2. Smelly Clothes
The Pope is visiting town and all the residents
are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on Main
Street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put
on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is
standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell
very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to
the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it. Then it
hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate
people the poor and and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to
trade clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the
street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to him.
Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and
says "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"
3. Vatican Humor
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job. What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile? Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job too." moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
"So bust him." says the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important." said the cop. The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason."
"No, I mean really important." said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13