Miscellanea | General Jokes
A man went up to the only other person in the bar and asked him if he could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man asked: "Where are you from?"
Curious enough, the first man then asked - "Where in Ireland are you from?"
Curiosity again rose and the first man asked - "What school did you go to?"
About that time one regular customer came in and asked the bartender - "What's been going on?" "Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
2. Final Exam
One night Jack Evans, along with his three university friends went out drinking till late night, as many college students are prone to do, and didn't study for their test, which, of course, was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They went up to the dean and explained that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst. They continued to explain how they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The dean, being a compassionate human being said that they could take the test after 3 days. The students graciously replied that they'd be ready by that time.
On the third day, they appeared before the dean. The dean explained that since this was a special test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the duration of the exam.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 5 questions with total of 100 points:
MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
Q.1. Write down your name. ----- (2 POINTS)
3. What I am going to be....?
An older couple had a son who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son has no career plans and he was getting old, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a $10 bill, a Bible and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The test was this: If the son took the money, he would be a businessman, if he took the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he took the bottle of whiskey, he would be a drunk.
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole, they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him. He took the $10 bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!"
4. Who are You Talking to?
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen number and shouted into the phone - "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded - "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
5. My Dog Told Me
Two women that were dog owners were arguing about their dogs as whose dog is smarter than the other one.
First woman said - "My dog is so smart, that every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the news paper from him and brings it to me".
Second woman said - "I know".
6. Your Birthday Matters
All of his life Len from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.
So when Len's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Len stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!
Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Len went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake, like my father, his father, and his father before him?'
Granny looked Len straight in the eyes, and said, 'Because, you idiot, your father, grandfather and great grandfather was born in January, you were born in July.'
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13