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Sarg 12-Hanumaan's Disappointment

With the desire to see Seetaa, when Hanumaan didn't see Her after so much search, he got disappointed. [All kinds of thoughts came into his mind] "Seetaa must have died. If She had been alive, I could see Her somewhere. She must have died seeing these  wives of Raavan with crooked eyes, If I couldn't find Seetaa, then I cannot go back to Sugreev, he has a very sharp punishment and is also very strong. I have seen the whole city, I have seen Raavan's women also, but I don't see Her anywhere. If I went back like this, then what all Vaanar waiting for me will say? "What did you do there?" Whatever time Sugreev had assigned to us, that is also over. What Jaambvaan and Angad will think about me?"

In second thought, he thought that, "not being disappointed is the key to success, so now let me look at those places also which I have not seen yet". So he started searching Seetaa in other places. There were bars, flower houses, pleasure houses and building in all directions, He went there to see Her but She was not there also. He didn't leave the land even four finger for searching for Seetaa, but he could not see Her. He saw many beautiful Vidyaadhar women and Naag women but not Seetaa. After this Hanumaan again got disappointed.

Sarg 13-Hanumaan's Disappointment

Now Hanumaan crossed the Pushpak Vimaan and went towards fort's wall, far from Raavan's house. He thought - "I couldn't find Seetaa here. In fact I could not Seetaa anywhere on the earth. Whatever place Sampaati told She is not there also. Did She accept Raavan's abduction helplessly? Maybe that She had fallen down from Raavan's hold while carrying Her. Or maybe due to the great speed of Raavan and torture of Raavan She might have died. Or maybe Raavan has eaten Her, or his Raakshasee have eaten Her, or he has kept Her in a cell-like place. Or otherwise She must be crying like caged Mainaa bird in the house of Raavan.

If I go back to Sugreev without any information about Seetaa then my all efforts will be useless. And what I will say to Raam? that "I couldn't find Seetaa?" I am sure He will die [hearing this]. And seeing this His brothers will also be not able to live anymore. Then their mothers will also lose their lives seeing their sons dead.

Sugreev will also die seeing his friend's condition, and Romaa, Sugreev's wife, will also die with her husband. And then all Vaanar will gave up their lives in the grief of their Swaamee Sugreev. Taaraa, distressed from the sorrow of Baali and death of Sugreev will also not be able to live. When Angad's parents will die, he will also die with their grief.

Thus both dynasties, Ikshwaaku and Vaanar, will destroy because of me. It will be a horrified scene. No, no, I cannot go back to Kishkindhaa, I cannot see Sugreev without Seetaa. At least all others will be alive in hope. I can live upon anything whichever comes to my hand or mouth. Or I will die either by burning in a pyre or drowning in sea. My long standing glory will be destroyed. I will become a hermit but I will not go back without seeing Seetaa."

So thinking about all this Hanumaan thought that, "If nothing happens, then I will kill Raavan and take the revenge of Seetaa's abduction. I will take his body to Raam as an animal is offered as sacrifice. Let me search Seetaa once more.

This is Ashok Vaatikaa (see "Vaatikaa" in side bar). I have not checked this place before. It has lots of big trees. I bow to eight Vasu, 11 Rudra, and 12 Aaditya, the two Ashwinee Kumaar, and seven Marut and enter this Vaatikaa to win Raakshas and offer Seetaa to Raam as Siddhi is given to Tapaswee."

So after some time he got up bowed to Raam and Lakshman, Rudra, Indra, Yam and Vaayu Dev, and Sugreev entered Ashok Vaatikaa. He thought that there must be many Raakshas living there to protect it. All Devtaa should protect me, and Vaayu, Shambhoo and Indra should give me Siddhi. Thus wishing for the favor of all Devtaa Hanumaan said - "When will I see Seetaa whose face is like Moon, whose eyes are like lotus petals, who has high nose, white teeth and sweet smile?"

Vaatikaa
Small garden

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