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Work Related Jokes-5

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Work Related Jokes-5

1. The Present-day World of Economics

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea .
It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to choose one. The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower. The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there. The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves the town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism....

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the world is doing business today.

2. Jack or Jill

There was this company that had to downsize and it came down to two people Mary and Jack. The chief had to lay off one of them. He spent the entire night deliberating and then decided that the direct approach was best

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. "Downsizing. "

He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them."

He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.

"Have a good weekend, Boss. Hey, You don't look so good. Is everything okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."

And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so I suggest you jack off.

3. Work: A Retrospective...

* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

* Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

* You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

* When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

* Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

* To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

* There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

* If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

* When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

* The longer the title, the less important the job.

* Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

4. It is Impossible, Sir

Boss to Sales Executive: "Get 5 lacs business by today evening anyhow."
Sales Executive: "That' s Impossible Sir!"
Boss: :What Impossible? Impossible word itself says I'm possible."

In Evening...,
Executive: "Boss, I got 10 lacs business today."
Boss: "Great! How come this miracle happened?"
Executive: "I cheated the client."
Boss: "That's Immoral."
Executive: "What Immoral? Immoral word itself says I'm moral."

5. Try to Do it When the Engine is Running

The auto mechanic got up, straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and told the doctor argumentatively,

"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind them, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... :
"Try to do it when the engine is running."

6. Firing Rules

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the Company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall and doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, still he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?" Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 month's salary, now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies to everybody in this company". Then he approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy, Sir!"

7. Who is the Boss?

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present..
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage. He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs 2500.
"Rs. 2500?", the man said. "Well what does he do?"
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000," responds the clerk, "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot's cost.
The clerk replied, "Rs 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer."

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything. But the other two call him *"BOSS"!!

8. Confidence

Once 20 CEOs boarded an airplane and were told that the flight that they were about to take was the first-ever to feature Pilotless Technology: "It was an unmanned Aircraft." Each one of the CEOs was then told, privately, that their own Company's Software was running the Aircraft's Automatic Pilot System. Nineteen of the 20 CEOs promptly left the Aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the Jet, seeming very calm indeed....!
When asked why he was so confident in this first unmanned flight, he replied : "If it is the same Software that was developed by my Company's IT systems department, this Plane won't even Take Off."

That is called Confidence!!!



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13