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Religious Jokes-1

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Religious Jokes-1

1. Dog's Funeral

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for his company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked. "Father, my dog is dead. Could you be saying a Mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid, my child, not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no telling what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do you think that $5,000.00 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Oh my goodness! "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

2. Ice Cream is Good for Soul

Once a man took his six-year-old son to a restaurant for dinner. The boy asked his father if he could say grace. The father said happily, "Why not?" As they all bowed their heads to say grace, he said, "God, you are good. You are great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

The other customers who ere sitting nearby burst into laughter. A woman remarked, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream? Why, I never!"

Hearing this, the boy burst into tears and asked his father - "Dad, Did I do anything wrong by asking ice cream? Is God mad at me?"

The father held him in his arms and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was very happy with him. At the same time, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at the boy and said - "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" the boy asked. "Cross my heart." Then he whispered in his ears (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, the man got ice cream for his kids at the end of the meal. The boy stared at his ice cream for a moment and  picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he said to her, "Here it is, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."

3 - Return it to Sender...

One day a man who worked for the Post Office to process all the mail that had illegible addresses, found a letter addressed in a childlike handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. So he opened the letter, it read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, it was all the money I had until I get my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Since that money is stolen, I cannot buy any food for them and for me for the rest of the month. I have nobody else to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

The postal worker was touched reading this letter. He showed the letter to all of his co-workers. They were also touched by this letter and got ready to help her. Each one gave a few dollars to him and he had collected $96. They put them into an envelope and sent them to the woman. They passed the rest of the day thinking of Edna and the dinner she ate with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift , I could fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there were $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.
Anyways, Thanks God,

4. Would You Light My Candle...

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said - "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"

She replied - "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked - "And be there any wee little ones yet?"

She replied - "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said - "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."

She replied - "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again.

The Father asked - "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied - 'Oh, very well, Father!"

The Father asked - "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied - "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all."

The Father said - "That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?"
She replied - "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer candle."

5. Where is God?

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13