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Lawyers' Jokes-4

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Lawyers' Jokes-4

1. Who is Telling the Truth?

A law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee.
The student struck a deal saying, "I would pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court".

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.
When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money".

Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything."

Who is telling the truth? Guru or Shishya?

2. Say It Like a Lawyer

A Professor stepped into a law class and threw an orange at one of his students and said "give it as a gift to any of your friends now". The boy said to one of his friends "Tee, I give this orange to you as a gift".

The Prof gave him a stern look and said "say it like a lawyer!"

Immediately, the boy straightened up, cleared his throat and began,

"I Stanley Omerfield, adult, male of M16 Stapley Drive, hereby with all intent and purposes willfully give unto you Messrs Theodore Billings of Creepton Street, this citrus with its skin, seeds, segments, juice and supple innings that you may exercise actual and proprietary rights thereon, to hold unto same as a gift, a bequest, an endowment validly so transferred, given out, bequested, alienated, assigned, that you may eat, lick, devour, suck, make juice out of, munch or grant, give out, devolve, alienate in your rightful capacity as the owner either in actual, virtual or constructive capacity of an agent or attorney as may be chosen by you, that the said citrus may be treated in the aforementioned ways or other ways not so listed but not as a weapon to be thrown at persons or animals with malicious intent to hurt, inflict pain or serve as an incendiary action to incite unrest of any kind, but that the said citrus may be used in such beneficial capacity or simply be destroyed in such exercise of legal and equitable ownership as may be deemed fit by the beneficiary of this bequest".

(3) Grounds for Divorce

A Polish man married an American girl, and though his English wasn't very good, they got along very well.
One day he rushes into a lawyer's office and asks him to arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer says that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asks him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that??
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it says:



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13