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Lawyers' Jokes-1

Some Short Jokes

Defendant: "Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer."
Judge: "And why is that?"
Defendant: "Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case."
Judge (to Public Defender): "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?" Public Defender:  'I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.

Lawyer: "How do you feel about defense attorneys?"
Juror: "I think they should all be drowned at birth."
Lawyer: "Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution."
Juror: "Not quite true, Sir. But I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too."

Pick Up the Line -
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking, I can screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, with or without clothes, dirty, clean doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Judge: Why were you drunk?
Man: Sir, I never drank.
Judge: I know you drank, besides we have 5 witnesses who saw you drunk, so what have you to say in your defense.
Man: Your Honor, I can produce 200 witnesses who would swear that they did not see me drunk.



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/25/13