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International Jokes-19

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International Jokes-19

1. Bush, Tony and India

It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:

"India!" shouted Blair.
"What about India?" asked a startled Bush.
"We English made a mistake, George," said Blair, "I need to get India back as a colony!"
"You serious, Tony?" asked a still more startled Bush.
"Yeah this is not the India we let go some sixty years ago," said Blair, "this is a colony we would be proud to have now."

"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Why George, what we did to Saddam. Attack them."
"You sayin' we? You not hoping I'm goin' to join you, are you?"
"I helped you in Iraq George, you forgettin' or sometin'?"

"Yeah but we had an excuse there Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"So we do the same thing here George. We tell the Indians to give up their weapons of mass destruction!"

"I don't know whether we are doing the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"I lied for you in Iraq George. Nearly lost the elections for you. I'm sure you could do this lil' favor for me.. With India back as my colony, we'll be back as a world power! Britain rules the world! You heard that phrase George?"
"I thought it was America who was doing the ruling Tony."

"We'll do the rulin' together George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass destruction, or else..!"
"Okay Tony, since you insist. Can you call me back in five minutes."
"Shall I get my ships ready?"
"For what?" asked a surprised Bush.

"For war dammit," shouted Tony as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister. He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
The phone rang and he ran to pick it up.

"Tony it is me," said George, "how many ships you got ready?"
"Aye aye Sir, the Royal Navy is ready for action!" said Tony, standing at attention.
"You can send them to India," said Bush.
"To fight?" asked Blair happily.
"No to pick up their weapons of mass destruction."

"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Manmohan said you would know 'cause it is your people who made them," said Bush.
"What? weapons of mass destruction?" whispered Blair uncertainly.

"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily,
"Manmohan said you could take them all back to England where they were "trained years ago by your people to divide and rule..!"

2. US President Obama

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States of America!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama: "I am urging you please to cash this check."

Cashier: "Look Mr. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

3. Presidents in Heaven

God summons President Barrack Obama, Chinese Leader Hu Jintao and French President Nicolas Sarkozy to a meeting. He then tells them that He has decided to end the world in 3 days and orders them to tell their people.

President Obama has a television speech to America and says, "I have a good news and bad news. The good news is that there is a God. The bad news is that he will destroy the world in 3 days."

Leader Hu has a television speech to the Chinese people. He tells them, "I have a bad news and a worse news. The bad news is that there is a God. The worse news is that the world is going to end in 3 days and you're all going to hell."

President Sarkozy goes on television and tells the French people, "I have a good news and a better news. The good news is that there is a God and he spoke to me! The better news is that the European economic crisis will be over in 3 days."

4. Who Kissed Whom?

US President George Bush, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Indian film star Aishwarya Rai and Indian Congress President Sonia Gandhi were traveling in a train. The train went through a tunnel so it got completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing sound and then a slap. The train came out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan Singh were sitting there looking perplexed. Bush was bent over holding his face, which was red from an apparent slap. All of them remained diplomatic and nobody said anything.

Sonia Gandhi was thinking:
"These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya Rai. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."

Aishwarya Rai was thinking:
"Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia Gandhi instead and got slapped."

George Bush was thinking:
"Damn it. Manmohan Singh must have tried to kiss Aishwarya Rai. She might have thought it was me so she slapped me."

Manmohan Singh was thinking:
"If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again."

5. Selection of Intelligent People

Sonia Gandhi went to see the Queen and said to her - "Ma'am, I am also the queen of India now, so give me some tips to effective management."
Queen suggested to her to keep intelligent people around. Sonia Gandhi asked - "But how to know who is intelligent, and who is not intelligent?"
Queen replied - "Ask intelligent questions quiz and find out."
Sonia Gandhi asked - "Such as?"
Queen said - "I tell you just now." and she called the Prime Minster Cameroon.
She asked him - "Your parents have a child, but that is neither your brother nor your sister. Who is that?"
Cameroon replied immediately - "It is me." and went away.

Now Sonia Gandhi came back to India and called the Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and asked the same question from him. Manmohan Singh replied - "Give me some time."
Manmohan Singh went to Narendra Modi and asked him the same question.
Narendra Modi replied - "It is me."
Manmohan Singh went to Sonia Gandhi and said - "I have got the answer. It is Narendra Modi."
Sonia Gandhi - "Manmohan Singh, You are a fool. The Queen told me that it is Cameroon."

6. Thief and Theft

There were three policemen were talking to each other - one was American, another was Japanese, and third one was Indian.

The American policemen said - "In US, we can find out the stolen money within 24 hours.
The Japanese policeman said - "In Japan we can find the thief and the stolen money within 12 hours."
The Indian policeman said - "In India we know the thief and the place of his stealing even 24 hours before the theft."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13