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International Jokes-14

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International Jokes-14

1. George Bush and Gurmukh Singh

Once George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next that his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagawaaraa, District Kapurthalaa, Panjaab. I am ringing to inform you that we are ophicially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
Gurmukh said after a moment's calculation, "Right now there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Harjit, and the whole Kabaddee team from the Gurudwaaraa. That makes eight of us."

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move at my command."
Gurmukh said - "Arrey, O main kya.. I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again - "Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh again. I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to get some more inphantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh," Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit's tractor."
Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teree to ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you again."
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Harjit's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the Pind's (village's) generator. Four school-passed boys from Maalpur have also joined us as well."

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-equipped, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

Gurmukh said - "Tera paalaa hove...., I'll have to ring you back, Bush."
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart? May I ask?"
"Well," said Gurmukh, "We've all had a long chat over a couple of Lassee, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!

2. Intelligent Sardaar Jee

A cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a 'round the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt. The Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, 'Friends, we are in trouble. The Gods are angry with us. We need to give a sacrifice and I need Three people to sacrifice their lives so that rest of us can be saved.'

All of them moved towards the Deck where a Japanese came forward and shouted, 'Long live Japan,' and jumped into the Sea.
Then an Israeli Jew stepped forward and said, 'Hallelujah' and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other.

Suddenly out of nowhere a Sardaarji came forward near the railing and chanted, 'Jo bole-so-Nihaal, Sat sri akaal, waahe Guruji da khaalasaa, waahe guruji dee fateh, Jai maa Kaalee, Jai Maa Durgaa, Jai Hanumaan, Jai Sri Raam, Jai Shiva Shankar, Jai Baabaa Naanak dee, Jai jawaan jai kisaan,' and finally yelled at the top of his voice, 'Bhaarat maataa kee jai,' and kicked a Paakistaanee standing next to him in the sea.

...and you thought - Sardaar are stupid.

3. Do You Still Think That Sardaar Are Stupid?

A Sardaar, a German and a Paakistaanee got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were all sentenced 20 lashes each. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced - "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish fulfilled before you are whipped."

The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said - "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes and the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes and the Paakistaanee was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Sardaar was the last one to express his wish, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh Turned to him and said -  "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it." And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.

Sardaar smiled and said - "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !

4. Santa and a Londoner

Once a bet was set between Santa and a Londoner, that if Banta could not answer the Londoner's question, he would give $5 and if the Londoner could not answer Santa's question, he would give $500.

Santa told the Londoner to ask the question first.
The Londoner asked - "Tell me the distance between the Earth and the Sun."
Santa quietly took out a $5 bill and handed over to the Londoner.
Now was the turn of Santaa.

Santa asked - "Which is that animal which climbs up with four feet and climbs down with three feet?"
The Londoner looked around for a while, thought for a while, could not reply Santa's question so he took out $500 and gave to Santa. After a while the Londoner thought - "At least I should know the answer of this question." So he asked Santa to tell him the answer that question. Santa took out another $5 bill and handed over to the Londoner saying - "I also do not know it."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13