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Indian Jokes-6

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Indian Jokes-6

1. Some Short Santa-Banta Jokes

Interviewer: "What is skeleton?"
Santa: "Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!"

Teacher: "Translate this sentence into English - Bazaar mein goliyaan chal rahi hain."
Santa: "The tablets are walking in the market."

Santa's girl friend: "Meree maa aapko bahut pasand kartee hai."
Santa, after a deep thought: "Kuchh bhi ho jaaye, shaadi to main tujhse hi karoongaa!"

Santa: "Why has the Government fixed voting age 18 yrs and marriage age 21 yrs?"
Banta: "Government ko pataa hai ki desh sambhaalnaa aasaan hai, lekin beewee ko naheen."

Santa badaa dukhee thaa, kisee ne poochhaa itnee tension me kyon ho, Bhaee?
Santa: "Ek dost ko 3 lac Rupaye plastic surgery ke liye diye the, ab use pehchaan naheen paa rahaa."

Postman: "I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet."
Santa: "Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it."

Driver: "Sir Ji, petrol khatam ho gayaa, gaadee aage naheen jaa sakatee."
Banta: "Chalo to Phir, waapis le chalo."

Santa: "Wo dekh teree beevee ko saanp kaat rahaa hai."
Banta: "Are tension mat le, Zahar bharavaane aayaa hogaa..."

Santa: "Banta, Have you ever noticed that our Gandhi ji on every Indian currency note keeps smiling whereas Lincoln on American currency notes never smiles. I wonder. why?"
Banta: "Oye khote, tennu enna vee naheen pataa. American ladies never keep their currency in their bra."

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kyaa tum mujhse shaadi karogee?
Girl: "Tameez se baat karo..."
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?

Inspector to Santa: (Phaansee se pehle) Bataa teri aakhari ichchhaa kyaa hai?
Santa: "Mere pair oopar aur sir neeche kar ke Phaansi de do!"

Santa: "I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: "Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!"

Beggar: Oh Sundaree, andhaa hoon, paanch rupiyaa de de.
Santa to his wife: "De de, De de, tujhe sundaree bolaa hai to har haal main ye andhaa hai.

Banta: "Jab main paida huaa thaa to military waalon ne 21 topen chalaayeen thee."
Santa: "Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishaanaa chook gayaa?"

Santa: "What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me?"
Banta: "Don't know..."
Santa: "Well... He never comes to my house and I never go to his!"

Girl: "Will you love me after marriage also?"
Santa: "This depends on your husband, if he allows me to."

Santa was talking on phone.
Banta: "Kis se baat kar rahe ho?"
Santa: "Biwi se."
Banta: "Itne pyar se...?"
Santa: "Tumhari hai."

Santa: "Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to kisi doctor se shaadi kar Lenaa....."
Jeeto: "Aise kyon kah rahe ho ji?"
Santa: "Doctor se badla Lene ka yahi ek raasta hai!"

Santa: "Bus stand jaane ke kitne paise?"
Rikshaawaalaa: "10 Rs."
Santa: "2 Rs mein chalegaa to theek hai."
Rikshaawaalaa: "2 Rs mein kaun le ke jayega?"
Santa: "Peeche baith main lekar jaataa hoon..."

Santa bought a car on loan..... He didn't pay the dues, so the bank took away his car.
Santa: "If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!"

Ek din Banta mujaraa dekhane gayaa, saari raat mujaraa dekhaa.
Baaee ne kahaa: "Saahab hamne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo."
Banta uthaa aur khud naachane lagaa...

Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Banta: "I'm learning car driving."
Inspector: "Without the instructor?"
Banta: "Its Correspondence Course!"

Once Santa heard - "Santa, Your daughter has died."
Santaa got very sad. He climbed to a 100-storeyed building and jumped from there in distress.
When he reached the 5th floor, he came to know that he had no daughter.
When he came to 25th floor, he came to know that not only that he did not have any daughter, he was not married yet.
When he came to the 10th floor, he remembered that he was not Santa, he was Banta

2. A Long Santa-Banta Joke

This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the Ghats, his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation.

It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him.

It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes that there is nobody behind the wheel.

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep, steep drop beyond the curve). Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead.

Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside Dhaabaa, and asks for a drink. They find some hooch and give him a shot, he starts telling whoever is in the Dhaabaa about the horrible experience he's just been through. A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the Cops or find a priest, or what.

But just then two guys (Santa and Banta) walk into the Dhaabaa, and one says to the other "Look, Banta that's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it."

3. I Have Quit Drinking

Banta Singh walks into a bar in London, orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London . When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

Banta Singh became a regular customer in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I
don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss." Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no," He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is... that I have quit drinking."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13