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General Jokes-23

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General Jokes-23

1. Blondes Are Not So Foolish

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says that she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

2. Notorious Blonde

One winter morning a husband and wife in Sweden were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car. [There was "No Parking" sign in the snow]

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, that the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."
Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the Snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

3. Blonde Interrogation

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows them a picture, then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh.. .that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses!"
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

4. Driver's License

Once a blond woman was driving on a highway, that she was stopped by a female Police Officer.
Accidentally that Police Officer was also blond, she asked her - "May I see your driver's license?"

The woman dug and dug into her purse but could not find the License, so she asked the Police Officer = "May I ask what does that driver's license look like?"
The Police Officer said - "It is a little square type thing..."

The woman driver again dug into her purse and took out a small square mirror, looked in it, and gave it to the Police Officer. Police Officer looked into the mirror, and gave it back to the woman driver and said - "Sorry I did not know that you are also a Police Officer." and gave it back to the woman driver.

5. I have Windows

A Blonde goes to a store to buy curtains.
She says to the salesman - "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing one.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies - "Seventeen inches."
"Seventeen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde says - "They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor."

The surprised salesman replies - "But Miss, computers do not need curtains."
The blonde says - 'Helllloooooooo o .... mine has Windoooooows. ......"

6. Blonde Strikes Again

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He showed her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1,000 ft, she radioed in. "I'm doing great. I love it."
After reaching at 2,000 ft, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly.
The instructor also watched her climb over 3,000 ft. and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her out from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get gold. I only remember turning off the big fan."

7. Intelligent Blondes

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder and pulled out a picture.
He said, "To be a good detective you must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile photo of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"

Now the detective turned his attention to the third and the last blond and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well Sir, With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/25/13