Miscellanea | Doctor-Patient Jokes


Home | Miscellanea | Jokes

Doctor-Patient Jokes-1

Previous | Next

Doctor-Patient Jokes-1

1. God Bless My Doctor?

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he'll go out and come in again and then will give you second opinion.

Once he treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized that the woman was Chinese.

Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, when the patient hadn't paid his bill, he extended his life for another six months.

At one time, While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said - "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said - "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time, a man came running in his office and yelled - "Doctor, doctor, my son has just swallowed a roll of film!!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."

One patient came in and said - "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing sound in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said - "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner.",

May God Bless my Doctor..... and may God save ME !!!!

2. These Doctors

A doctor got a call from a very excited woman, "Doctor, My son has just swallowed the
aspirins, what shall I do? He replied - "Give him a headache, what else?"
------------ --------- -----
Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited.
"Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in a great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis." he said. The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic and he would come in the morning.

The man protested - "But doctor, my wife is really serious."
The doctor replied - "I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. She cannot have another one."
The caller protested - "That is alright Doctor, but now I have got another wife!"
------------ --------- -----
"Hurry!", the doctor commanded his teenage daughter. Put my stethoscope and medicine box in my car. That was an emergency call from someone who told that he would die if I do not turn up immediately." "Papa, That call was not for you but for me." replied the girl saucily.

------------ --------- -----
This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, should perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he requested to speak to his son.

"Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, Son, do your best and just remember, if it does not go well and if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.
------------ --------- -----
A young woman was not feeling well, and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician for her. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. A thousand bucks for the first visit, and five hundred for each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced, I am back! Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."

If Long ago a knowledgeable scholar, Dr Dastur Dhalla, Head Priest of the then Karachi of pre partition days; of Pahlavi, the ancient language of Zoroastrians, and Sanskrit, used to say, 'Sapta Sindhu, hafta Hindu'.

Sapt I think in Sanskrit means 7, haft in Farsi also means 7.

Does this mean the Indus had 7 tributaries, of which 2 have dried away and 5 remain?

I also remember a discussion someplace where old maps were shown with
the dried out river beds. Any Indo Asian scholars on the forum care to comment?

What impression I have is just as Panjaab is the Land of Five Rivers, Sapt Sindhu means the Land of Seven Rivers, which is Sindh.

The seven rivers here are : Sindhu, Satlaj, Raavi, Jhelum, Chinaab, Byaas, and Saraswatee ( now dried up at surface level, but sub-terrainian flow is confirmed ). All six merge into to make one river, Sindhu or Indus, which eventually meets the Arabian Sea.

More on Sindhu waters from the one who loved irrigation engineering more than anything in the world during his final year BE.

After flowing some 200 kms into the Indian territory where the Jhelum originates, it traverses across Kashmeer passing through Srinagar and Walur Lake. In our Kashmeer it crosses the border to enter the POK wherein it is joined by the Poonch river. Downstream it enters West Punjab, irrigating agricultural fields of the plains. Then on, little south, it ends its separate entity in a confluence with the Chenaab in Paak Panjaab's district Jhang. Further downstream, the Chenaab merges with the Satlaj (also from Indian territory of Panjaab on the upstream) to form Panchnad river which ultimately loses her identity on merger with the Sindhu river at Mithankot, Paakistaan. And down south flows the mighty Indus ........ more on our Mother India, now captive in the hands of ... later.
If the Arabs lay down their weapons, there will be peace.
If the Israelis lay down their weapons, there will be no more Israel.
The fact is a Hindu feels no bond with another Hindu, and for this failure one can lay square blame on the text and tenets of the religion.
For a Hindu, he comes first, his regional rituals next, his caste next - his religion is sum total of that and nothing more.

3. Bastard

Two young psychiatrists met at a week- long biannual international conference of psychiatry at Vienna. Dr. John and Dr. Mary got a bit friendly over the week-end. Then John went back to London and Mary to New York. When they parted, John told Mary: Look, if anything happens, just call me. I will come and marry you.

After two years, they met again at the next conference in Rio-de-Janeiro. John asked her if everything went OK. She said = "No, I did become pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy." John was surprised and asked her why she did not inform him, as he had promised to come and marry her. She said: "I wanted to, but mama put her foot down. She said one bastard is enough in the family".



Home | Miscellanea | Jokes


Previous | Next

Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13