New York City Evicted from Ground 0 and Other Silly News
Saturday, June 06, 2009
FLASH! "New York City evicted from Ground 0" - New York Times
New York City is literally kicked out of Ground 0.
In an unprecedented case the City of New York was evicted from the
grounds of "Ground 0" for it's refusal to provide a one zillion
Amero security deposit retroactive to the birth of Muhammad (c. 570 AD).
Mayor of Ground Zero, HE Donald Trump, was taken-aback by the 9/11 bombings,
before retaliating with this eviction notice to New York, both as a City
and as a People. The National Guard is on-alert around-the-clock making
sure that all traces of New York remain outside the boundaries of Ground
Zero. The matter is going up before the Supreme Court in the landmark case,
NY v/s G0. Further unbiased information contact G-Zero.com AP. NYTimes.
Friday, June 05, 2009 - Upcoming Apple Products
Apple felt jealous because of the Apple iPod's success, which caused
Apple to make its own version. the iiPod. there are many differences
which tech geeks, geekstas and nerds argue over which is better.
Ripley's worst nightmare. Has acid for batteries. With only one application,
"iConsume." Use with caution. Not for adults. Warning! This device
has a serious attitude problem. Don't let one loose on Earth.
Alien's worst nightmare. Has acid for circuits. With only one application,
"iKickAss." Use with caution. Not for kids, because they
might use the device on other children. Has a 30 year battery.
Ideal for terrorists. Features iBlast, micro 'atomic bomb' application,
guaranteed to take out a city block. Translates Arabic into Jive using
the iBrotha application with illustrations. Also comes with the iChop
application for public executions.
A white rebranded, more expensive music playing assault rifle. Very good
for shooting, reliable, made of disposable high iCarbon crap. Bullets
can be purchased for 99 cents each, or 9.99 for a full cartridge from
iTUNES. In contrast, competitors will rent you unlimited bullets for
$14.95 per month.
The iBauer is Apple's answer to terrorism, it only has 4 applications,
viz., Stomp, Punch, Shoot, and Disintegrate. It is always right. It runs
on a 10,000 year nuke-battery. The iBauer can detect the presence of a
genuine terrorist from within a one mile radius using innovative new CTU
technology, viz., Terrorscopics, and then DO something about it! Perfect
for traveling, or for looking up fellow terrorists.
The iSpy is Apple's surveillance networked hooked up to all iWebcams.
Look out, there're watching you, simply to observe what other strange
phenomena those who live in a world without windows do (this iS iNcluded
in the standard form of agreement)
Useful when meeting a beautiful girl deep in the African jungle.
Contains "Ape" Dictionary with illustrations.
Useful for after you've been fired. Tells the boss, "where to go",
in 16 languages, including Chinese.
So you can afford all the products. Contains application, "iTrust"
which gives Jack Bauer's WORD.
Useful when you can NOT afford all the products. Contains a cloaking
application called "iAin'tHome".
Useful when confronted by Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, Joe Pesci, Tony Jaa,
or Pee Wee Herman (contains cyanide).
This device is nick-named iCandyMan, and is only sold in California and
Holland with a medical prescription. It has four applications, viz.,
iCrank, iE, iA, and iBlow, plus a Home Button also called iTHC. Battery-life
depends on amount of usage.
Useful when you are stone-drunk and fallen in a stupor. It has a homing-beacon
with map, plus the applications, iWho? and iWhere? A loud "SOS"
button-application may be downloaded from iTunes.
Apple invented the function on the iPod "genius" which listens
to a good song you are playing and finds a totally crap song to replace
it, but apple have now invented iNstine, an iPod-like device witch brings
genius to a whole new level and takes one of your songs (loaded onto the
device it using iTunes) and sends spam you with a load of shit songs you
A build your own Vietnam situation building set. Comes with: corrupt
politicians, brainless/brainwash ed citizens, large armies with real
firearms and gaseous weapons, American Weapons of Care and Nurturing
(aka Strategic Weapons aka Weapons of Collateral Damage), body parts
and more. A small task force of Swedish UN weapons inspectors is also
available in the collector's edition. For a small extra fee you also
receive Anthrax, terrorists operatives suicide bombers and Boeing 737's.
For specially hand crafted American and iRaqi tyrants see registration
form and contact your local Kremlin Office. (Weapons of Mass Deception
Useful for making a statement when you arrive at your destination after
running from anywhere.
iRobot is the latest invention of Apple. This sleek new Robot can vacuum
the house, cook high-class food, do the dishes, do your laundry, acts as
your wife and can even send your kids to school. It comes with a built in
Safety feature that makes it unable to kill any human *Wink*. Will Smith
would be proud. The Wife version of iRobot comes with a very sweet user
interface that makes it look sexy to you. However, it only supports iHouse
and other Apple Products.