Miscellanea | Work Related Jokes
|Work Related Jokes-2|
Work Related Joke-2
1. The Corporate Language
"We will do it" means
"You have done a great job" means
"We are working on it" means
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views" means
"There was a slight
"Lets call a meeting and discuss" means
"We can always do it" means
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the
"We had slight differences of opinion" means
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means
"You should have told me earlier" means
"We need to find out the real reason" means
"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure
that the work is not affected" means
"We are a team" means
"That's actually a good question" means
"All the Best" means
2. I Want a Raise
These are the two letters to and from an employer.
The Employee wrote to his Employer:
The Employer replied to his Employee:
NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
3. A Zoo Story...
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.
The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts it.So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires.
He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up.
Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces.
The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion, at which point the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! You're gonna get us both fired!"
4. Did You Read The Memo?
Memo from CEO to Manager:
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Memo from Supervisor to Staff:
The staff talked among themselves - "Did you read the memo, it is so interesting."
5. Future CEO Material
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, "Ma'am, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?"
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said, "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job." The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance and the job I already have.
6. Salary Theorem...
Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13