Miscellanea | International Jokes
1. Why Ford and GM Are Losing?
A Japanese car company and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people
rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing
Team Quality First Program", with meetings, dinners and free pens for the
rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment,
extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed
to "equal the competition" and some of the resultant savings were
channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.
Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.
The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India. Sadly, the End.
*Here's something else to think about*:
Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US,
claiming they can' t make money paying American wages.
2. Newton and Rajanikanth
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done till date... In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes......
(1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
(2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. And guess, what he does? He shouts Minditttttttt and throws the knife at the middle gangster and shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster and the knife kills the middle one.
(3) Rajanikanth is chased! by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and
decided to go back. But he decides to see another movie for one last time,
and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The
whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't
changed. Oops, but not so fast!
Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
(Newton Daadaa is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton commits suicide.
3. Business is Business
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-old children - "I'll give 20 Pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most respected man, whom people considered God, whoever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said - "It was St. Patrick, Madam."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said - "It was St. Andrew, Madam."
Finally, a Gujaraatee boy raised his hand and said - "It was Jesus Christ."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said - "You know Jayant, since you are Gujaraatee, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied - "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishn, but business is business!"
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13