Miscellanea | International Jokes
1. Five Surgeons
Once five surgeons from big cities of the USA were discussing who made the best patient to operate upon.
The surgeon from New York, said - "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second surgeon, from Chicago, responded, "Yeah, Maybe, but you should have tried electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon, from Dallas, said, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimed in: "You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington,
DC, shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are
the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and
no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.
2. Wall Street Jokes
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are now? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar - Jay Leno
8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.
3. Americans Think Straight and Logical
The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car, it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US. I've been doing my part....." KM >>
The prostitute and the beer-salesman
spend that money to purchase fruits and vegetables at Wal-Mart, on gasoline,
to buy a computer, a good car and some useless crap.
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13