Miscellanea | Heaven-Hell Jokes
|Heaven and Hell Jokes-4|
Heaven and Hell Jokes-4
1. Birla Goes to Heaven
Birla, one of the famous industrialist, is from Calcutta, tremendously rich, and for many years his company has had a virtual monopoly on passenger cars, the Ambassador, built in India. Even though they were used by everybody, they were not well-made cars, clumsy, not very comfortable, and often broke down.
So, Birla dies and goes to heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly
Gates and asks, "Who are you, please?"
Birla protests angrily, "I am Birla, the industrialist. I must be on
that list. Look again. B-i-r-l-a."
Birla immediately perks up and says, "I have helped the cause of many religions
by spending millions upon millions for the building of temples, mosques and churches."
By this time, Birla is feeling frustrated and shouts, "Now look here, my dear chap, there is nobody in the whole of India, maybe in the whole world, who has done so much for his workers and their families, built hundreds of hospitals, homes for orphans and the aged, schools and universities as much I have done for them."
St Peter says, I am not sure whether that counts either. After all, these people have given their energy, their labor, their lives, so that you could become rich. No, no, none of that matters in heaven. What we ask, which is the real question: what have you ever done for God?"
Birla frantically searches his memory and finally brightens up, smiling with satisfaction,
St Peter was impressed and let Birla enter heaven.
2. Bill Gates: in Heaven or Hell?
Bill Gates is dead. "Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Mr Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly and see if it helps you decide.
Shall we look at Hell first?"
"Let's go." Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!
Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!" To which God replied, "Let's go to Heaven now!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell.
Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell." "As you desire." said God. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going on with him in Hell. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burnt and tortured by demons.
"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair. "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
"Oh, THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver."
3. Presidents in Heaven
God summons President Barrack Obama, Chinese Leader Hu Jintao and French President Nicolas Sarkozy to a meeting. He then tells them that He has decided to end the world in 3 days and orders them to tell their people.
President Obama has a television speech to America and says, "I have a good news and bad news. The good news is that there is a God. The bad news is that he will destroy the world in 3 days."
Leader Hu has a television speech to the Chinese people. He tells them, "I have a bad news and a worse news. The bad news is that there is a God. The worse news is that the world is going to end in 3 days and you're all going to hell."
President Sarkozy goes on television and tells the French people, "I have a good news and a better news. The good news is that there is a God and he spoke to me! The better news is that the European economic crisis will be over in 3 days."
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13