Miscellanea | Children's Jokes
1. Heaven and Hell
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah
was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale
could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl
said - "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
2. See the God in a Minute
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
3. White Hair
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and
inquisitively asked - "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?"
4. ...She is Dead
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture - "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say - "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the
room rang out - "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
5. Your Feet Are Not Empty
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said - "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in
6. God is Watching Apples
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples...
7. A Kindergarten Teacher
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?
Once a student asked her teacher to help him putting on his shoes and
she could see why.
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet.
This time he announced - "These aren't my boots."
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots
on his feet again.
Her husband has told the school that after the shaking will stop she can probably report back to work in a few days.
Power corrupts. Knowledge is power. Study hard and be evil.
8. Where Do I Come From?
"Dad, where did I come from?" a 10-year-old asks his father, who is shocked at the question. He had expected to explain the facts of life to his son a few years later, but figures out that it's the best out of the way. He spends the next two hours explaining everything to the little boy to his best ability, and then asks what had prompted his question.
His son replies, "I was talking to
the new kid across the street and he said he came from Mumbai, so I was just
wondering where I came from."
9. Because You Are Born in August
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they 'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat.... and nearly drowned. Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to
see his grandmother ..
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great-grandfather were all born In December, when the lake is frozen...."
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 10/17/13