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New York City Evicted from Ground 0 and Other Silly News

Saturday, June 06, 2009
FLASH! "New York City evicted from Ground 0" - New York Times

New York City is literally kicked out of Ground 0.

In an unprecedented case the City of New York was evicted from the grounds of "Ground 0" for it's refusal to provide a one zillion Amero security deposit retroactive to the birth of Muhammad (c. 570 AD). Mayor of Ground Zero, HE Donald Trump, was taken-aback by the 9/11 bombings, before retaliating with this eviction notice to New York, both as a City and as a People. The National Guard is on-alert around-the-clock making sure that all traces of New York remain outside the boundaries of Ground Zero. The matter is going up before the Supreme Court in the landmark case, NY v/s G0. Further unbiased information contact AP. NYTimes.

Friday, June 05, 2009 - Upcoming Apple Products

Apple felt jealous because of the Apple iPod's success, which caused Apple to make its own version. the iiPod. there are many differences which tech geeks, geekstas and nerds argue over which is better.

Ripley's worst nightmare. Has acid for batteries. With only one application, "iConsume." Use with caution. Not for adults. Warning! This device has a serious attitude problem. Don't let one loose on Earth.

Alien's worst nightmare. Has acid for circuits. With only one application, "iKickAss." Use with caution. Not for kids, because they might use the device on other children. Has a 30 year battery.

Ideal for terrorists. Features iBlast, micro 'atomic bomb' application, guaranteed to take out a city block. Translates Arabic into Jive using the iBrotha application with illustrations. Also comes with the iChop application for public executions.

A white rebranded, more expensive music playing assault rifle. Very good for shooting, reliable, made of disposable high iCarbon crap. Bullets can be purchased for 99 cents each, or 9.99 for a full cartridge from iTUNES. In contrast, competitors will rent you unlimited bullets for $14.95 per month.

The iBauer is Apple's answer to terrorism, it only has 4 applications, viz., Stomp, Punch, Shoot, and Disintegrate. It is always right. It runs on a 10,000 year nuke-battery. The iBauer can detect the presence of a genuine terrorist from within a one mile radius using innovative new CTU technology, viz., Terrorscopics, and then DO something about it! Perfect for traveling, or for looking up fellow terrorists.

The iSpy is Apple's surveillance networked hooked up to all iWebcams. Look out, there're watching you, simply to observe what other strange phenomena those who live in a world without windows do (this iS iNcluded in the standard form of agreement)

Useful when meeting a beautiful girl deep in the African jungle. Contains "Ape" Dictionary with illustrations.

Useful for after you've been fired. Tells the boss, "where to go", in 16 languages, including Chinese.

So you can afford all the products. Contains application, "iTrust" which gives Jack Bauer's WORD.

Useful when you can NOT afford all the products. Contains a cloaking application called "iAin'tHome".

Useful when confronted by Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, Joe Pesci, Tony Jaa, or Pee Wee Herman (contains cyanide).

This device is nick-named iCandyMan, and is only sold in California and Holland with a medical prescription. It has four applications, viz., iCrank, iE, iA, and iBlow, plus a Home Button also called iTHC. Battery-life depends on amount of usage.

Useful when you are stone-drunk and fallen in a stupor. It has a homing-beacon with map, plus the applications, iWho? and iWhere? A loud "SOS" button-application may be downloaded from iTunes.

Apple invented the function on the iPod "genius" which listens to a good song you are playing and finds a totally crap song to replace it, but apple have now invented iNstine, an iPod-like device witch brings genius to a whole new level and takes one of your songs (loaded onto the device it using iTunes) and sends spam you with a load of shit songs you don't want.

A build your own Vietnam situation building set. Comes with: corrupt politicians, brainless/brainwash ed citizens, large armies with real firearms and gaseous weapons, American Weapons of Care and Nurturing (aka Strategic Weapons aka Weapons of Collateral Damage), body parts and more. A small task force of Swedish UN weapons inspectors is also available in the collector's edition. For a small extra fee you also receive Anthrax, terrorists operatives suicide bombers and Boeing 737's. For specially hand crafted American and iRaqi tyrants see registration form and contact your local Kremlin Office. (Weapons of Mass Deception sold separately)

Useful for making a statement when you arrive at your destination after running from anywhere.

iRobot is the latest invention of Apple. This sleek new Robot can vacuum the house, cook high-class food, do the dishes, do your laundry, acts as your wife and can even send your kids to school. It comes with a built in Safety feature that makes it unable to kill any human *Wink*. Will Smith would be proud. The Wife version of iRobot comes with a very sweet user interface that makes it look sexy to you. However, it only supports iHouse and other Apple Products.



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 06/10/13