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International Jokes-6

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International Jokes-6

1. Indo-Pak Nuclear War Scenario

This is During the Cold War, that if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way. Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan.

This was their scenario.... ......... ....

The Paakistaan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns. 10, 9, 8, 6, 5, 3, 2, 0... (their commanders cannot count properly.)

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But before the launch they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabhaa session. The Lok Sabhaa meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.

In the meantime, the Paak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.
Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM. Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight. The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

It is three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and "Raastaa Rokos" are organized. In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning - "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Paakistaan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes. A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Paakistaan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islaamaabaad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Paakistaan cries for help.

India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits to Paakistaan.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.
Paakistaan never gets it right.
And we live happily ever after!!!!

2. Indo-Pak Agreement

India and Pakistan recently realized that, if they continued political tension, they would some day end up destroying each other. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dog fight. The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule Kashmir. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Pakistanis found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until, after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on his cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.

When the day of the big fight arrived, the Indians showed up with a strange animal: It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Indians. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Paakistanee camp. The bookies predicted that Paakistaan would win in less than a minute. The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring. The Paakistanee dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.

As he got to within an inch of the Indian dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Paakistaanee beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail. The Paakistaanee approached the Indians, shaking their heads in disbelief.

"We do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine." "Really?" the Indians replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund".

3. Kashmeer Belongs to Whom?

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile....

A representative from India began his speech like this : 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmeer, after whom this Kashmeer is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a bath." So he removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Paakistaanee had stolen them."

The Paakistaanee representative jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Paakistaanees weren't there then."

The Indian representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech - And they say Kashmeer belongs to them....... JAI HIND :)

4. Laaloo and Kashmeer

Laaloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistaan for a one-on-one talks with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closed for talks in a room for about 5 minutes. Then Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - "Pakistan has decided to  give up all claims on Kashmeer, with no strings attached."

The world is stunned. Laaloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to achieve in 50 years, How did you do it, what did you promise?" the press clamors.
"Sab Akai TV  waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laaloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge to fridge free milegaa, video khareedein to cell phone free milegaa... to ham bhee Nawaz Bhaaee se keh diye: "Aapko Kashmeer chaahiye na? Le jaayiye Kashmeer. Magar saath mein Bihar free milegaa, bas."

5. Politically Correct Jokes

1 - On Attack on the Pentagon
The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: "I'm sorry to hear about the attack on the Pentagon. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."

2 - Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush - "What buildings? What people?"
Musharraf - "Oh, and what time is it in America now?"
Bush - "It's eight in the morning."
Musharraf - "Oops...Will call back in an hour."

3 - Vaajpeyee and Bush Meeting:
Vaajpeyee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman - "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says - "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says to them - "Hello, what are you guys doing here?"
Bush says - "We're planning for World War 3."
The guy says - "Really? What's going to happen?"
Vaajpeyee says - "Well, We're going to kill 14 million Paakistaanee people and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed - "A bicycle repairman?"
Vaajpeyee turns to Bush and says - "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Paakistaanee!"

4 - A Paakistaanee on the Moon:
Q: What do you call when one Paakistaanee is on the Moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call when 10 Paakistaanee are on the Moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call when a 100 Paakistaanee are on the Moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call when ALL the Paakistaanee on the Moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

5 - When A Non-American Saves an American Girl
A man was taking a walk in Central Park in New York, that suddenly he saw a  little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He ran over and started fighting with the dog. He succeeded in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walked over and said - "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of a little girl". The man said: "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh, I am sorry, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "A brave American saves life of a little girl" the policeman answered. "But I am not an American either" - said the man. "Oh, what are you then?" The man says: "I am a Paakistaanee."

The next day the newspapers said: "An Extremist killed an innocent American dog yesterday in Central Park."

6. Politically Incorrect Humor

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
" First Place!" said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
" First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is this Sonia Gandhi?" he answered.

7. A Paakistaanee and an Afgaan

An Afgaan introduced himself to a Paakistaan immigration officer as a former Minister of Ports and Shipping of Afgaanistaan.
The Paakistaan officer was surprised to hear this and said - "But there is no sea in Afgaanistaan. How can you be the former Minister of Ports and Shipping of Afgaanistaan?"
The Afgaan replied - "Brother, In the same way as you have a law minister in Paakistaan."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13