Miscellanea | International Jokes
1. An American Prayer on Thanksgiving Day
I am thankful for the wife who says, "Hot dogs for supper"
I am thankful for the husband who is
on the sofa being a couch potato,
I am thankful for the teenager who
is complaining about doing dishes,
I am thankful for the taxes I pay,
I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party,
I am thankful for the clothes that fit a little too snug,
I am thankful for my shadow that watches me work,
I am thankful for a lawn to mow, windows to
clean and gutters to fix,
I am thankful for the complaining I
hear about the government,
I am thankful for the parking spot I
find at the far end of the parking lot,
I am thankful for my huge heating bill,
I am thankful for the pile of laundry and ironing,
I am thankful for weariness and aching
muscles at the end of the day,
I am thankful for the alarm that rings
early in the morning hours,
2. The Three Kick Rule...
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?” The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot! Now, it’s my turn!” The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck!”
When you are educated, you
believe only half of what you hear.
3. Know Your State's Motto
Alabama - Heck Yes, We Have Electricity.
4. Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle.''
When asked to comment on the arrest,
When asked to comment on the arrest,
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13