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General Jokes-7

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General Jokes-7

1. The Oldest Profession

Three men reflected about the oldest profession.

"Well, that's easy", the surgeon said. "Eve was made by cutting one rib out of Adam's. So definitely surgery is the oldest profession.

Smiled the engineer: "Long before Adam and Eve, there was nothing but chaos. it took an engineer to create earth from chaos."

Now it was the turn of politician who smiled: "And who do you think was responsible for this chaos?"

2. Farmer John vs. Mrs. Farmer John...

A farmer walks into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce.
The attorney asks, “May I help you?”
The farmer says, “Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.”
The attorney asks, “Well, do you have any grounds?”
The farmer replies, “Yeah. I got about 140 acres.”
The attorney says, “No, you don’t understand. Do you have a case?”
The farmer says, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”
The attorney says, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”
The farmer says, “Yeah, I got a grudge. That’s where I park my John Deere.”
The attorney says, “No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?”
The farmer says, “Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”
The exasperated attorney says, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”
The farmer says, “No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.”
Finally, the attorney asks, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
And the farmer replies, “Well, I cain't never have a meaningful conversation with her!”

3. What is Money?

What is money?
Its a token for exchange.

Exchange of what?
Whatever is required.

What is that whatever?
Goods and services.

Like shoelaces and sunlight.
Not sunlight, that cannot be purchased.

Why is it so?
Because it is widely available.

So what is widely available can have no cash value?

So to have value a commodity must be scarce?

How about Integrity?
It is scarce but no one wants it.

So something must be wanted and then be scarce to have cash value?
Cash or credit.

What is credit value?
Implied cash value.

That is a strange word.
That is the Stock Market.

Does this Market sell everything which is actually required.
No, just an implication is enough.

It decides what it decides, by implication?
If it decides things are scarce, the market goes up.

And if it decides otherwise?
Market goes down.

Who is Stock Exchange?
No one really knows.


Thanks for your time.

Uh, what is Time?
Some other time.


Exeunt left stage.

4. Welcome to Wall Street...

Once upon a time in a village in India, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.

The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands of monkeys at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy them at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50 each."

The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!
Welcome to WALL STREET...

5. Don't Lie to your Mother
On the style of " Don't Lie to Your Wife"

Once a mother comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner..... who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, but this visit had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered - "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates, nothing else."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying - "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but still I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .....



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13