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General Jokes-17

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General Jokes-17

1. Burying the Lede
[Lede is the old spelling of Lead]

Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook.
"But, I'm not a Bruins Fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.

"Patriots Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Patriots fan either!" The boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Patriots. So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Giants fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "A little Jerk from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet."

2. Bow, Wow. Ruff, Bark

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story? "The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eaves- dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down .I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.

3. Monkey, The Reporter

Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"

Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travelers"

Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"

Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

4. Financial Management

A beggar to another beggar: "I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday."

"How?" The other beggar asked.

First beggar: "Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday. I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money. The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him. I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free."



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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13