1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into Court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

15. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

16. To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

17. The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

18. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

19. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

20. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.

21. Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

22. Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

23. If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

24. You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

25. Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

26. As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

27. He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

28. If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

29. Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

30. When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

31. If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

32. Especially for engineering Students---- If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

33. You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

34. The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

35. After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.

36. If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

37. Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

2. The Universe Solved

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like... night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

25. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.