Sushmajee
Miscellanea | Marital Jokes

Jokes

Home | Miscellanea | Jokes

Marital Jokes-8

Previous | Next

 
Marital Jokes-8

Short Jokes

Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..." The husband turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Who Does What
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ .."HEBREWS" [HE BREWS]


Some Oxymoron...
An oxymoron is usually defined as "A phrase in which two words having contradictory meaning" are brought togetherů.., for example

(1) Clearly misunderstood
(2) Exact Estimate
(3) Small Crowd
(4) Act Naturally
(5) Found Missing
(6) Fully Empty
(7) Pretty ugly
(8) Seriously funny
(9) Only choice
(10) Original copies .....     And.......
*
*
*
*
(11) Happily Married


Some Other Short Jokes

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever
-----------------------------------------------
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one everyday.
-----------------------------------------------
Doctor to Wife : Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: Sorry, they are not for him, they are for you.
-----------------------------------------------
Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
-----------------------------------------------
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A Push...!!!
-----------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes Dear, but I was in so much love with you that I could not notice it.
-----------------------------------------------
A wife to her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."

(PS : read again the wife's statement slowly, if you do not get it)
-----------------------------------------------
WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart and I got Heart Attack.
----------------------------------------------
HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi. He saw me in the dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
----------------------------------------------
Position of a husband is just like a Split AC. No matter however loud he is in the outdoor he is designed to remain silent indoor...
---------------------------------------------
Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he has to go only that side.


Modern Sayings..

You love someone, you marry someone else !
The one you marry becomes your spouse !
And the one you loved becomes ............ .
the password of your mail id !!
------------ ---
There's only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it.
------------ ---
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
------------ ---
Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails.
If the kidney fails .........
the liver manages with other kidney !!
------------ ---
Generation Next Motto:
Neither will I marry
Nor I will allow my children to marry !!
------------ ------
What's the difference between Drug and Wine ?
Drug is like a girlfriend that comes with an expiry date.
Wine is like a wife, The older it gets, longer the chatter !
------------ ---
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such .. such a fast shutter speed that it is capable of taking a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!!!

 

 

Home | Miscellanea | Jokes

 

Previous | Next

Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Contact: sushmajee@yahoo.com
Modified on 10/20/13