Miscellanea | Lawyers' Jokes
1. Who is Telling the Truth?
A law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was
unable to pay the fee.
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.
Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money".
Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything."
Who is telling the truth? Guru or Shishya?
2. Say It Like a Lawyer
A Professor stepped into a law class and threw an orange at one of his students and said "give it as a gift to any of your friends now". The boy said to one of his friends "Tee, I give this orange to you as a gift".
The Prof gave him a stern look and said "say it like a lawyer!"
Immediately, the boy straightened up, cleared his throat and began,
"I Stanley Omerfield, adult, male of M16 Stapley Drive, hereby with all intent and purposes willfully give unto you Messrs Theodore Billings of Creepton Street, this citrus with its skin, seeds, segments, juice and supple innings that you may exercise actual and proprietary rights thereon, to hold unto same as a gift, a bequest, an endowment validly so transferred, given out, bequested, alienated, assigned, that you may eat, lick, devour, suck, make juice out of, munch or grant, give out, devolve, alienate in your rightful capacity as the owner either in actual, virtual or constructive capacity of an agent or attorney as may be chosen by you, that the said citrus may be treated in the aforementioned ways or other ways not so listed but not as a weapon to be thrown at persons or animals with malicious intent to hurt, inflict pain or serve as an incendiary action to incite unrest of any kind, but that the said citrus may be used in such beneficial capacity or simply be destroyed in such exercise of legal and equitable ownership as may be deemed fit by the beneficiary of this bequest".
(3) Grounds for Divorce
A Polish man married an American girl, and though his English wasn't very
good, they got along very well.
Have you any grounds?
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
I mean what are your relations like?
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Does your wife beat you up?
Is your wife a nagger?
Why do you want this divorce?
What makes you think that??
What kind of proof?
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13