Miscellanea | International Jokes
1. Bush, Tony and India
It was the day after India's Independence Day. A thoughtful Tony Blair who had watched the celebrations on TV got onto the phone with his friend Bush:
"India!" shouted Blair.
"So whatcha plannin' to do?" asked Bush.
"Yeah but we had an excuse there
Tony, we were lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, you remember?"
"I don't know whether we are doing
the right thing Tony, India is a democracy you know?"
"We'll do the rulin' together
George. You and me will be equal partners once I get my India back. Come on
George talk to that Manmohan feller, tell him to give up his weapons of mass
destruction, or else..!"
"For war dammit," shouted Tony
as he put the phone down and waited for Bush to talk to the Indian Prime Minister.
He walked over to a little globe he had on his office table and circled India gleefully.
"Tony it is me," said George, "how
many ships you got ready?"
"Whatcha talkin' about?" asked a confused Blair.
"Their politicians, their MPs, their MLAs," said Bush happily,
2. US President Obama
President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure
sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you
are, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of
imposters and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID."
Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President
but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Cashier: "Look Mr. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
Obama stood there thinking, and
thinking and finally says: "Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my
mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do."
3. Presidents in Heaven
God summons President Barrack Obama, Chinese Leader Hu Jintao and French President Nicolas Sarkozy to a meeting. He then tells them that He has decided to end the world in 3 days and orders them to tell their people.
President Obama has a television speech to America and says, "I have a good news and bad news. The good news is that there is a God. The bad news is that he will destroy the world in 3 days."
Leader Hu has a television speech to the Chinese people. He tells them, "I have a bad news and a worse news. The bad news is that there is a God. The worse news is that the world is going to end in 3 days and you're all going to hell."
President Sarkozy goes on television and tells the French people, "I have a good
news and a better news. The good news is that there is a God and he spoke to me! The
better news is that the European economic crisis will be over in 3 days."
4. Who Kissed Whom?
US President George Bush, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Indian film star Aishwarya Rai and Indian Congress President Sonia Gandhi were traveling in a train. The train went through a tunnel so it got completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing sound and then a slap. The train came out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan Singh were sitting there looking perplexed. Bush was bent over holding his face, which was red from an apparent slap. All of them remained diplomatic and nobody said anything.
Sonia Gandhi was thinking:
Aishwarya Rai was thinking:
George Bush was thinking:
Manmohan Singh was thinking:
5. Selection of Intelligent People
Sonia Gandhi went to see the Queen and said to her - "Ma'am, I am also
the queen of India now, so give me some tips to effective management."
Now Sonia Gandhi came back to India and called the Prime Minister
Manmohan Singh and asked the same question from him. Manmohan Singh replied
- "Give me some time."
6. Thief and Theft
There were three policemen were talking to each other - one was American, another was Japanese, and third one was Indian.
The American policemen said - "In US, we can find out the stolen money
within 24 hours.
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13