Miscellanea | International Jokes
1. The Americans and The Japanese
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized.
The new structure was: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the poor rower for his poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
2. Selection Criteria of Indian Cabinet Members
Musharraf once came to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee said to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asked Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", said Atal Bihari Vajpayee. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".
He called immediately Advani over and asked him "Tell me Advani Ji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother or your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", said Advani, "it is me." "Well done Advani", said Vajpayee and Musharraf was very impressed. He returned to Islamabad (the capital of Pakistan) and wondered about the intelligence of the members of his own Cabinet. He called in his favorite member of cabinet and asked: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and mother who is not your brother or sister? " He thought and thought and couldn't guess the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", said Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."
He went away, thinking as hard as he could, called in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knew the answer. Twenty hours passed still there was no answer. The member of Musharraf's cabinet was very worried. Only 4 hours to go. Eventually he said to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He called Clinton. "Mr. President", he said, "Tell me who is the child of your father and mother who is not your brother or your sister?" Clinton laughed and laughed and said: "Very simple, "It's me!" "Thanks a lot."
"Wonderful" said the Cabinet member to himself and hung up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knew the answer, he rang Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".
"What is it?"
3. British Hospitality...
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13