Miscellanea | Elders' Jokes
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1. Changing the Will
An elderly gentleman had a serious hearing problem for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."
2. Feeling Like a Newborn Baby
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel at this age?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
3. What is Your Name?
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The
two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went
out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend
it very highly."
4. Where is My Toast?
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
"I'd also like whipped cream on it. I'm certain you'll forget that, write
it down?" she asks.
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She
stares at the plate for a moment, then asks - "Where's my toast?"
5. Marriage of Convenience
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear
you're getting married?"
6. Deaf Old Guys
Three old guys are out walking.
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's
7. Heart Murmur
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical checkup.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
9. What Did You Say?
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"
9. The Grandparents' Answering Machine
Good morning .... At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeep ...
If you are one of our children,
dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival"
so we know who it is.
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or taking us to the theater, start talking ... we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"
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Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13