Miscellanea | Doctor-Patient Jokes
1. Reconstructive Surgery
Sam and John were out cutting wood, when John accidentally cut his arm off. Sam, who was trained in first aid, remained calm and wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and then took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours."
So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and was amazed to see John throwing darts. "Wow" thought Sam," that surgeon does excellent work"
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John accidentally cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it, and John, back to the same surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher, but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours."
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early -
John's down at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and
there was John, icking goals. "Wow"
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours."
So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died."
The surgeon said, "Oh, no! It wasn't that, in fact he suffocated in that plastic bag!"
2. AIDS or Alzheimer?
The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes? " "Mrs Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical
Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the
samples from another Mr Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one
is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"Mrs Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs Ward asks.
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs Ward.
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
3. Bud Light...?
I went into my proctologist' s office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat Until the doctor could see me.
She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that
she gave me I sat down.
When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam ..I know what the K-Y is for... And I know what the gloves are for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At this Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .... "Darn it,
Evelyn, I said a BUTT LIGHT."
4. Mental Hospital Menu
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental hospital.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Modified on 09/24/13