Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs a voicemail for Himslf? Consider the various scenarios:

You dialed God's number and then you hear:--
"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:
If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others dial 0."

So, let's say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:--
"Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naarad Muni."

Or, if all gods were busy, you might hear this:--
"We are sorry; all gods are busy helping other Bhakt and sinners.
However, your prayer is important to us and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the gods will be with you shortly."

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:--
"If you know your God's extension, dial it now."

Or, you might hear this:--
If you would like to speak to Ganesh Ji, Press 1.
Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
Lord Krishn, Press 3.
Confess your sins, press 4.
Ask for favors, Press 5."

Or, you might even hear this:--
"You have reached Lord Krishn's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special Yuddh to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankar Ji at 779-0000-20000.
If you want to speak to someone else, then for other gods' directory,
Please press 6 now."

Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:--
"If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for its General Manager Raavan, who will be happy to help you."

Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:--
"If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven,
Press 5, then enter his or her 'Mantra' number, then press the 0 key.
If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL."

For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:--
"Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please
hang up and try again tomorrow."

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting any condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son was standing nearby, he rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 28 July 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They gave me computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones, hence this mail. I've just reached and have checked in..