One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he could go to a computerized machine at the drug store that can diagnose anything - quicker and cheaper than a doctor. He further said - "'Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, and it was really cheap, so he filled a bottle with his urine sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the machine, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noises and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Bill got very happy with the diagnosis.

Later that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled, so he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter, and to top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe) he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him, so she appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual (according to that Panchtantra story), the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked - "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied - "No" She again took a deep dip in the river and came out with a pocket-sized calculator. Showing it to him she asked if that was his. Somewhat annoyed, the engineer said - "No, not at all !!" Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all the three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her - "Don't you think that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"

If the C wasn't there, we'd all be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL.

A Little-known magic fact:
The uri_escape() function is how the famed mentalist and spoon bender got out of the Soviet Union. See how useful Perl is?

5. Life Before Computers...